I've Decided to Become a Paradox

Percy / Jupiter | they/them or ve/vir/vis | 18 | I'll post about whatever I'm into here! | currently into the mobile game A3!

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Posts tagged dnr:

Btw I ended up leaving the discord server bc I barely check it as is, and it's just too chaotic and confusing and *gestures at The Discourse* for me to stay. I AM staying on the site, though.

Oh boy I don't 100% know what's going on witht he discourse and discord and I'm having trouble keeping up but I don't want to just. ignore it.

"I regret getting you into A3" why don't you keep that to your fucking self. I KNOW I ruin things for people, you don't need to fucking TELL me.

An Anonymous user asked:

Since you asked what to do: Callout posts rarely work on someone already popular enough to warrant one or even make them more popular. And often when they do work, they ruin the person's life even should they have changed their views and moved foreward.

Block the person, warn people close to you about them, and avoid anyone who is too into their work since they're likely to attract like minded folks. You can't control who gets popular or what other people on the internet do but you can control your own experiences and help friends stay safe.

Yeah, you're right. I don't think that callout posts are effective of course, which is why I mentioned that I don't want to do one...

Thanks anon. I'm just going to let them saying they're a proshipper speak for itself and keep them blocked.

discussion of proshippers. gross.

There's someone in the A3 fandom on tumblr who's very obviously a proshipper (they used to have "antis don't interact" or something like that in their blog description) and they posted a fanfic and apparently they've written a good amount of incest fic in the past so I'm just?????? what do I DO???????? I don't want them to be popular, but I don't want to make a public callout post and I don't want to directly confront them because I really don't want to get into an internet drama fight. So I just don't know???

I sent them an anon ask and asked if they're a proshipper. Their answer should hopefully filter out some good people from their following, but if they ignore it... idk. I'm probably too anxious about this.

EDIT well they didn't ignore it and yes they confirmed it publically. Time to. idk. I don't want to confront them of course but gross gross gross gross gross gross

I intended to finish the last of the OC drawing meme but I'm a) really frustrated with myself rn and idk if I can do this ;-; and b) IT'S REALLY FUCKING CLOUDY SO ALL MY PICTURES SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!

Since I'm drawing on paper and using the sketch as lineart that means I'll probably have to do the second one tomorrow when I can actually get a fucking good picture... I got the first one done but I kind of hate it so I,,, I don't know. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.

With my older brother it's like he'll say "you always end up talking about transphobia :/ idk I don't think it's that big of a deal :/ we live in a really progressive area :/"

But then with my younger brother it's like. We share exasperated looks when I'm misgendered and he straight up stopped reading something from our grandparents that deadnamed me. True solidarity.

Concerned about my physical health. It isn't actually affecting me much, but it's been going on for months, and the internet isn't giving me anything useful. I hope I don't have ANOTHER rare condition that doctors don't know what to do about 🙃🙃🙃

...Not that I'm going to go to the doctor for this. Doctor's trips costing what they do and all.

I'm changing my OC Rai's name to Ry. I know you guys didn't follow me for my OCs, but I'd like to apologize for making his name a kind of "almost japanese" name, especially when he wasn't made to be japanese-coded. I'll be going back and editing posts with him in them soon.

I wish I felt like my friendship with one of my friends was more balanced. I mean, for a while we weren't talking, but now we finally are again and. I really like talking to her!!! But I've been getting into her interests that she's gotten when we didn't talk and she hasn't been getting into mine, and I'm struggling to not feel like it's unfair.

I know she's more busy than I am, though, and I can't force her to get into A3, but I just... I wish I could talk about A3 and not feel like it's secondary to our conversations about other things... I don't think she's doing it on purpose and, I guess it's a little bit of my fault since I've been super enthusistic about talking about her interests, and I really enjoy them, so of course those conversations last longer, but...

I guess I just wish I had friends who also like A3,, haha.

Me a few years ago: my dad is cool :)

Me now: I understand all those posts about how fathers are emotionally distant now

Does anyone really know me? Do I have any friends? Why do I keep losing people, why do I keep losing people,, Why are they leaving me or why am I driving them away or why am I broken?

It's like everyone else has figured out how to keep friendships and how to interact with other people and how to form real connections and I never did. I'm just shallow, I probably don't even exist beneath the surface. I keep trying to be friends with people, to share things about myself and listen to them talk about themselves, and I keep trying to listen but it's not really fixing anything--something's still wrong, they still don't know me, we're still nothing, I'm still nobody, I don't know how to become anything more than aquaintances with anyone.

And now that I'm scared again, I feel like I need to hide, to stop talking to people, to isolate myself again because then at least I can pretend that everything is okay instead of being reminded again and again that everyone else has friends and I have..... barely anything.

*things that i suspect are adhd symptoms suddenly intensify* haha! free me!!!

I need to write my paper. I have been thinking of writing this paper for over an hour. I have successfully opened the document. Nothing else has gotten done.

school stuff (mostly just lingering high school chem angst)

The college math placement test put me in a math class that's too easy for me because I have such a bad memory. So I'm just relearning stuff from high school RIP.

Sigh. The bad memory thing is why I didn't realize I was in the wrong chemistry class until several months in. I was just like "oh I probably learned this before and forgot entirely... This is a hard class for EVERYONE..." not realizing that it was hard, but not THAT hard for everyone else. Lmao??? It's objectively funny I guess, but still hurts that half the people I talked to about it laughed at me. Like yay... thanks for thinking my suffering is funny... It IS funny, but in that dry sarcastic way that I, as the person hurt, can find funny, but I'd prefer others to not laugh about.

Can't wait to go into a college chem class and have really weirdly spotty knowledge of everything. Like I'll know some advanced stuff but then some of the basics I'll be like ??? what the hell??? I'm actually really scared to go into a chem class after everything but I really want to do science in the future so... I'll have to take the leap when I have the opportunity...

I know I have really bad self hatred and I'm incompetent and generally a terrible person, but to learn that apparently I don't even show my FAMILY that I care about them is really. ow. I wish I knew how to fix it.

I feel so anxious and drained lately... Maybe it's because I woke up early today for an early class that lasted for three fucking hours but I'm just. Nnnnnnnot having a good time right now.

If I want an ADHD diagnosis I have to justify why I want one??? It's not enough to just want to know if that's the reason I'm Like This????

Me for the first couple weeks of college: yeah this is weirdly going better than hs online school maybe everyone is right and I was just being stupid and lazy when I stopped being able to do anything in class :(

Me now: I feel so tired it's unreal how much I just want to stop doing homework. fuck.

I am... bigender... owo

More specifically, I'm genderfluid but currently I am both a boy and a girl at the same time. This will probably change sometime, but for now!!!

Trying to figure out one of my character's design, and ughhhhh

Every time I showed my sketch with color testing, the person I showed it to didn't realize the character had semi-transparent sleeves until I TOLD them and it's kind of making me insecure... I don't know what's wrong with my drawings... ughhhh

I've found that I have a weird fixation on the idea of gender nonconforming boys, and I kind of hate myself for it :( I don't want to be a boy, exactly, I just... I like the idea of being specifically a gnc boy, because as I am right now, I can't wear anything super feminine without feeling gross, since I know I'll be seen as a girl... But if I was seen as a gnc boy then I could wear dresses and skirts and not hate myself, is the idea. Except, it doesn't work like that. I'd still hate myself, and I'd still be seen as too girly, because no matter what I do, I'm always going to be afab. Sigh.

I'm graduating??? Today???? Huh?????????

Anywayz goodbye high school you will not be missed :)